by Mylene A. Delos Reyes
“I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints – but let them not return to folly. Surely his salvation is near those who fear him that his glory may dwell in our land.” Psalm 85: 8-9, NIV
A couple of weeks ago, I had been struggling with a feeling of guilt. I knew that I hurt God for not being the missionary He wanted me to be–in thoughts, words and deeds. Even though forgiveness had been granted, I still found it hard to forgive myself and see myself as a worthy missionary. I had been telling myself, “Why can’t I be perfect?” “Why can’t I rest from sinning even just for a day?”
All I wanted was to become a good missionary.
This feeling went on for a few days until God made me understand that His grace is sufficient to cover all mistakes I had made and that it is only Him who can make me perfect the way I was originally planned and made. There is hope to start afresh and be a better person for Him each day.
Often, we find it difficult to humble our hearts and acknowledge that it was us and no one or nothing else, not even Satan, who chose to make us commit sin. Somehow we try to acquit ourselves by putting the blame on other people or our situation for the mistakes we had committed. But deep in our hearts there is a feeling of guilt that just won’t go away.
God sees sin as sin regardless of how seemingly small (from drinking drinks that we are not supposed to drink or going to places where we are not supposed to go or staying up so late, doing things we are not supposed to do) or big (stealing or lying or killing) they are. They are still sins that have to be confessed and repented of. Otherwise our hearts will not be at peace or we would feel comfortable with sin and fail to see them as what they truly are.
EGW says that the closer we come to Jesus, the more faults we will see in our own lives. (Steps to Jesus p. 138) As we read His word everyday and pray, do we see ourselves filthier and in need of more cleansing than before? If we feel this way, then God’s Spirit is working in us. There is no hope for everyone by his own effort. It is only God’s love that can reconcile us with Him and change our deformed characters. It is only His grace that can help save us. However, we have to take a step forward, move out from our sin-filled life, and come to Jesus everyday.
Father, we want to surrender our lives to You. Make us and mold us to be the sincere missionaries You want us to be. Teach us to be humble, kind and true in all our dealings. Give us the courage and faith to do Your will every moment. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.